RhymePhile's Rat Race

kaynyne wanted a Torchwood/SVU drabble in which "Stabler had seen some weird sex crime scenes, but this is a doozy! Who the hell is this guy trying to take over the crime scene anyway?"



Detective Elliot Stabler stood gazing down at the body, his finger to his pursed lips, when his partner Detective Olivia Benson walked in.

"Is that..."

"It looks like it."

"But how can it..."

"I have no idea."

"It's not..."

"No, I already checked. It's real."

"Elliot, it's a fish."

"It is."

"It's a man with a fish for a head."

"I noticed that."

"And he's wearing leather chaps."

"I noticed that too."

( This came out a bit longer than I thought! )

luvinthe88and20 asked for a Torchwood/Oz crossover drabble in which "Jack meets Keller inside Oz or outside it."

I decided to set this in my Stroking Luck universe, where Keller was a rentboy.



"Nice coat."

Jack turned on his barstool at the compliment that was obviously lobbed his way. The man who had spoken moved from his seat at the end of the bar to the one next to Jack, and motioned for the bartender.

"Lemme get you one."

He raised his glass in acknowledgment. "Appreciate that, thanks, but I'm waiting for someone."

The other man scratched at the stubble on his chin. He had piercing blue eyes, with dark scruffy hair and a barrel frame that suggested a penchant for violence, based on his muscled arms. He wore a ratty T-shirt with a canvas jacket over it, tight jeans, and well-worn work boots.

Jack allowed his eyes to drift, from the dark man's sly smirk to his nicely rounded ass. He was confident, cocky even, but with something menacing brewing just under the surface. It reminded him of the way shapeshifters would attempt to replicate a human form. They never got it quite right, because there was always an otherness to them that was easy to recognize.

This man was no alien, but there was a distinctly seductive quality to the way he presented himself. He exuded sexuality.

Clearly this was also a guy who was rarely told no.

"Seems this 'someone' is late," the man replied.

Jack pulled out his pocket watch and glanced at it. "It was my turn to hold the watch," he said matter-of-factly.

"Then we have plenty of time to get to know each other."

"Hmm. Tempting."

The man leaned down and cocked his head. "Name's Chris. I have somewhere we can go."

Jack ran his eyes over Chris's form one more time. "Yes, definitely tempting. But like I said, I'm waiting for someone."

Chris grinned and whispered into Jack's ear, "I bet he don't fuck as good as me."

"He's a fast learner. And I'm a damn good teacher," Jack whispered back.

The other man shrugged, downed his beer, and returned to his seat at the end of the bar. Jack went back to nursing his drink. Then Chris spoke again.

"Is he dressed like he just walked out of a war movie too?"

Jack smiled from behind his glass. "He prefers suits, actually."

My brother brought Harmony to my parents' house this afternoon (the little guy, Greyson, stayed home because he has the sniffles and a cough) and we had a nice visit. Harmony is going through what I like to call the "Ferocious Fours", as it seems everything she does is in direct defiance to anything her daddy says. And oooh, she can be manipulative and devious! Let's hope this is a phase, because my brother is understandably exhausted.

In other news, I couldn't wait for my Flist to provide me with a download link to the newest Torchwood that aired Friday night (SQUEE! Leather!Jacket Ianto!), so I decided it was time to figure out BitTorrent. Well, in this case, uTorrent with Mininova. It took a while to download, mainly because the evil Comcast (my ISP and cable TV provider) puts caps on download speeds, the bitches. It was worth the wait, though. Excellent episode. It made me feel bad for Owen. Owen!

I hope everyone is having a Happy Easter, and that families and friends are gathered together to celebrate.

Goodness, what have I been doing? Where have I been? I haven't posted in a few days. I'll remedy that right quick.

Y'ever have those weekends where your job isn't particularly stressful, but you have to commute a lot, which in turn saps your life strength, so that even though you have a pile of clothes to put away and things to do around the house you just...don't? Yeah, that's been me for weeks now. I did clean the entire house when I got the new TV, but there is still stuff lying around I haven't found a place for yet. Don't you hate it when you have stuff that you don't want to throw away but you don't really need anymore? Gah.

One of my Flist, luffing, was talking about using a neti pot to cleanse her sinuses from having sinusitus and headaches. Basically you run saline water through your head to wash stuff out. I bought one online and have been using it. At first I couldn't get the tilt of my head right, and I was sort of drowning myself, LOL. But after the initial feelings of having been to the beach all day and sniffing in salt water, I'm getting more used to it.

Mom came over yesterday for a short visit, in which I showed her the opening titles to Torchwood, explaining it was my new thing. She watched the moments when Jack and the team are striding purposefully across the screen in hunt of some sort of alien threat, and her first question was, "What are they, some kind of superheroes?"

Oh, now that I have a nice-sized TV and can actually see things, I've been playing a lot of Playstation2. Except I haven't been able to play Guitar Hero, due mainly to the fact that the wireless guitar I bought on eBay DOES NOT WORK. Frig. I'm trying to return it.

In movie news, I watched the film called Twist yesterday, and despite its claims of Dickens' Oliver Twist with hustlers, it was sucktastic. It does star Nick Stahl, who was very good, but the entire movie was dark and dismal and depressing. No more hustler movies for me. After seeing Mysterious Skin I should have known better. These movies are bleak.

And now I'm off to do something I should have done a few weeks ago: register all my new electronics online.

A few weeks ago I brought the last Torchwood disc over to my girlfriend's house in order to force encourage her to watch the show. I had already seen "Captain Jack Harkness" but wanted to share the boy kissing with her.

She liked it. What wasn't to like? Boys? Uniforms? Kissing? From there we watched the finale of Series 1, and since I hadn't seen it, we both squealed when Ianto and Jack kissed.

Since we both adore Ianto, I hinted about the copious amounts of boy kissing suggested we both download Season 2.

I've been downloading at home thanks to one of my Flist. Except today, I might have downloaded the third episode in work so I could watch it during my lunch break. Hee! I couldn't wait until tonight!

I hope the rest of the season keeps up at this pace, because each episode has been better than the last.

ETA Some Lost-related stuff: It returns tonight! You can watch a clever 8 minute and 15 second summary of all three seasons to remind yourself what's happening (or to see certain scenes for the first time, after you got completely annoyed with the show and kept shutting it off every week when you were half-way through an episode) right over here.

(No spoilers here, but spoilers in the comments)

I downloaded and watched the second episode ("Sleeper") of Torchwood last night, and I was blown away by how good it was. It was tense, scary at times, violent at others, and the guest actress, Nikki Amuka Bird, was amazing.

It was one of those characters that even though you know it's a guest role, it stays with you. The best example of a character like that is Peter Boyle's Clyde Bruckman from The X-Files episode "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose."

And one more thing...I need to make Ianto icons. My love knows no bounds.

I just turned on my iPod in work and it started with Jeff Buckley's "Last Goodbye." That song brings me back to the early '90s, when I was working part-time in a movie theatre. We had a disc of songs handed down from corporate that would play in between shows, and "Last Goodybe" transports me to busy Saturday afternoons as I swept up popcorn and M&Ms that littered the auditorium floors. I've always loved this particular song, probably because Buckley's voice would float over the theatre sound system so perfectly.

I finally got around to watching the first episode of Torchwood, despite having downloaded it more than a week ago. I was sick, and then I was away for the weekend, and I didn't get around to it until last night. I have to say, I think James Marsters worked harder on his accent here than in the past and it was much improved. And after having watched the episode, I think the silly shit he was spouting in interviews about his girlfriend having to be on the set when he kissed John Barrowman did him a disservice. There was some nice chemistry there, and if he was uncomfortable in any way his professionalism made up for it.

TV rec: If you haven't seen Breaking Bad on cable network AMC yet, do yourself a favor and check it out. First of all, it's written by X-Files alum and wunderkind Vince Gilligan. If you know your X-Files, his name alone should send you scurrying to the show. It stars Bryan Cranston -- who was always very good in Malcolm in the Middle -- but he's a fantastic dramatic actor. The show is about a high school teacher, Walt (Cranston), who discovers he's dying of cancer and decides to team up with one of his former students who cooks meth. Cranston is excellent in his role, and the show is darkly funny. You can catch episodes 1 and 2 again on Sunday, February 3 at 10 p.m. est, right after the Super Bowl. At least put them on your DVR, and then keep up with new episodes Sundays at 10.

I was cheering for the Packers, because despite living in the NY/NJ area I had a soft spot for the team. There's this MST3K episode where a giant spider attacks a small Wisconsin town, and while the giant fake prop is terrorizing said community, it's being transported beneath a not-very cleverly hidden Volkswagen Bug. So through the whole episode every time the spider/Bug appears, Joel and the robots yell "Paaaaaackers! Paaaaackers!"

My old roommate Joey and I watched that episode so many times that he actually bought me a Packers T-shirt, LOL. I wore the shirt on Friday to work, in Manhattan. I only got a few jeers. I'll have to hang my head come tomorrow.

Oh, and NBC had delicious counterprogramming: Teh Meloni in Runaway Bride.

In non-related sports news, I downloaded the first episode of the second series of Torchwood yesterday (from someone on my Flist, natch), and the copy I got was simply pristine. I mean, DVD quality. I haven't watched it yet, but I did check out the opening moments and I couldn't get over how beautiful the download was. This was my very first downloaded TV show ever, and I am so proud, LOL.

I'll probably watch it when I get home tomorrow, because otherwise it's just going to be one BBC America on Saturday.

For those of you on torch_wood or barrowmanfans, you've already seen these (via poster hobbitz4peace), but I thought I would share a link for the rest of my Flist, because, hello, boy kissing!

And not just any boys -- John Barrowman (aka Cap'n Jack from Torchwood) and James Marsters (that bleach-blonde vampire Spike from Buffy and Angel, if you didn't know).

Heh, obvious spoilers for the first episode of Series 2 of Torchwood behind the cut.

( I wouldn't have minded seeing this on Angel )

(Video is work safe...and stick around to the very end of the video for some hilarity)



It's a limited-edition, hand-printed calendar from David Malki!, creator of my fave online comic, wondermark. I think the calendars are beautiful and a great addition to my desk, which is also home at the moment to a shrunken head; a Totoro beanie; a Cheese (from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends) patch; the OUT magazine with John Barrowman on the cover; and various other oddities. The calendar will be a perfect fit!

In semi-related news -- speaking of John Barrowman -- I wandered over last night to the TARDIS Index file wiki on Captain Jack, which gave me a clear understanding of just what the hell was going on with all the time travel and the immortality. It was confusing me, but now I've got a better understanding of things, thank goodness. The convergence between Doctor Who and Torchwood can be complicated, especially since I've only seen Series 1 of DW and the last three eps of Series 3 in order to see Jack. Now that I've got that settled, Season 2 will be much more enjoyable.

If you're a Torchwood fan on my Flist, perhaps you've seen the new promo photo someone at torch_wood posted yesterday of James Marsters as "the new character whose name I know and is mentioned in the linked photo but won't say here in case people get bugged about spoilers"?

I haven't read any spoilers explaining exactly who he is (I want to be surprised) but the photo is worth looking at, just because. And may I just say that it's been a while since I've been this excited about a guest star on a TV show in a really long time?

/in Drusilla's voice: Spoike!

I had quite a lovely birthday weekend, where I spent part of it indulging in delicious food (my last hurrah as it were. Back on the diet his week) and part of it looking at the tree in Rockefeller Plaza in New York City. I had never seen it before, so that was a treat. Photos to come. We even went up to Top of the Rock, the observation deck at the top of the building. It was amazing at night.

Thanks for all the great birthday wishes, Flist! Y'know, none of the people I work with wished me happy birthday, but the people on my Flist who never even met me offered me tons of Happy Birthdays (so much so that it took me two days to respond to them all. I think I got everyone).

Presents included a birthday call from my brother and niece Harmony (who's almost 4), where she sang Happy Birthday. I love that kid. I got $100 from my parents. My girlfriend got me a Mini Robo Panda, and this absolutely gorgeous silver dogtag that is inscribed "In Whatever Form It Takes, How Is Love Wrong?" I might have gotten a little teary eyed at that. Photos to come for that, too.

I even got my girlfriend to watch the last two episodes of Torchwood this weekend with the promise of boy kissing. I hadn't seen the season finale yet, and she said, "I bet Ianto will come running up and jump into Jack's arms and kiss him." We both squealed when it happened, by the way. I also loved the slightly cheesy Captain Kirk-esque pain!acting with Jack and the Horny Demon. Heh. Now I need to watch the last three episodes of Who to see where Jack went. January can't come soon enough.

Oh! And to further highlight my fangirlishness, when we finished the Top of the Rock tour we came down into the 30 Rockefeller Plaza lobby, where there was big photo array of all the NBC show stars. I got a picture of me next to Meloni, and it looks like I'm tickling his chin. Because I'm a geek. LOL.

Oh, and my opinion on the New LiveJournal Overlords and their weirdly-worded pronouncement about "decency"?

Nyet.

For Battlestar Galactica fans, tonight is the 2-hour movie premiere of Razor, the movie that fills in the gap of what happened to the Pegasus (commanded by Admiral Cain, otherwise known as actress Michelle Forbes, aka Ensign Ro Laren from ST:TNG) when it first survived the Cylon attack, and it gives us a bridge into Season 4 (which doesn't start until APRIL, GAH).

The reason I mention this, aside from the obvious fangirling, is that the first hour is up against TWO BOYS KISSING ON TORCHWOOD.

The programming monkeys are so mean!

If you get BBC America but aren't a fan of Torchwood, at least tune in around, oh, 9:45 p.m. or so just to see the smooching. I timed the boy on boy kiss, and it's approximately 22 seconds of hotness. It will be interesting to see if BBC America shortens the liplock with an edit for prudish American standards. Let's hope not!

Oh, sort of speaking of, I hear Jamie Bamber (Apollo on BSG) is one of the actors that have filmed a public service announcement on behalf of GLAAD. The spots use actors to urge viewers to combat homophobia, and immediately after Razor (or during, the media release isn't totally clear) you can see the spot.

First, a quickie about Torchwood: if anyone is still confused as to what exactly will be in/edited out of the Region 1 set that's going to be released January 22, you can find more information at torch_wood here.

Next, is anyone a Friday Night Lights fan? I should have mentioned this Friday when I saw it, but whatevs.

The next time you see the teaser for this Friday's episode, play attention to the flashback scene where Landry attacks the guy who tried to rape Tyra. In the teaser, they used the original version they filmed of the scene, where the Bad Guy was facing Landry, and Landry used a beer bottle, and he only hit the guy once. Of course, the scene they used was far different, involving a lead pipe, an attack from behind, and two swings to the head.

This just in this morning...Torchwood Season 1 (Region 1, U.S. and Canada) menu screens for all seven discs of the set, due to be released January 22.

Menu screen, Disc 1



( More Torchwood Season 1 behind the cut )

This is obviously for the Region 1 release.

I was looking around this morning for some Torchwood images because I want to make a T-shirt. (You know how I enjoy making T-shirts).

After clicking here and there and everywhere, I came across this extra unpublished bit from the OUT magazine interview with John Barrowman.

Not only does he mention kissing James Marsters (Spike from Buffy and Angel, for those not in the know) but OMG, he was on stage with both Anthony Stewart Head (Giles from Buffy) AND Alexis Denisof (Wesley from Angel, who I shall love until the end of time)??? AND HE KISSED ALEXIS???? I AM LEARNING SO MANY NEW THINGS!!! THESE THINGS MAKE ME SQUEE WITH CAPSLOCK!!!

Guh.

For you David Hewlett completists, there's a TV movie from 2001 starring Mark Harmon coming to DVD next week called Ann Rule's And Never Let Her Go that he turns up in. Might want to add it to your Netflix queues. He plays Mark Harmon's brother in the telefilm.

The BBC sent me three discs of the six-disc set to the third season of Doctor Who, which is coming to Region 1 on November 6. Disc 5 contains the three episodes Captain Jack appears in, and I admit to watching "Utopia" this afternoon (in work! I heart my job) just to see him. However, I stopped watching Who when Christopher Eccleston left, as I could never get into David Tennant (I think I'm the only one in the universe that liked Nine over Ten). That means I have no idea what is going on, only that I recognized the Hand In The Jar that got knocked to the floor on Torchwood. I didn't watch the rest of the three-part arc with "The Sound of Drums," and "Last of the Time Lords," because I have a feeling I need to catch up on Series 2 and the beginning of 3 of Who and might be ruined if I jump right into the three-parter.

From one of my favorite sites, BoingBoing, comes this interesting (and really long) New Yorker article about rich dudes who have too much money getting ripped off when they buy counterfeit wines. Frankly, if someone has so much money that they just want to have a whole goddamn cellar of wines they will never drink, they deserve to have someone pull a fast one. Maybe donate some of that wine money to people that need it, douchebag.

And for you Pushing Daisies fans (tonight at 8), you might like to try Wonderfalls and Dead Like Me, two other shows creator Bryan Fuller worked on that have the same ethereal feel. Both are fantastic and didn't last long. I hope Daisies is an exception to that rule.

Slight spoilers in the comments

This weekend BBC America aired the Torchwood episode "Small Worlds" (the episode with the faeries, that originally aired in November of 2006 in the UK -- gah!) and I thought I would compare the Americanized, commerical-laden version with the original Beeb version. I have the series on disc thanks to a download, and I went back and forth to see what was cut out.

Luckily, there was no dialogue cut or changed, unlike the SciFi Channel version of Doctor Who, which I hear has been chopped to shite. I'm thinking U.S. Who fans would be better off watching it on BBC America if they get that channel.

The only differences I found were short scenes that had been cut: 1) right before the paedophile (spelled the British way because that's how Jack pronounced it) was killed in his cell, the two police officers are shown walking down a corridor to the sounds of his screams. In the U.S. version we see Torchwood already talking to the officers.

2) On their way to save Estelle, the U.S. version cuts a scene of the Torchwood SUV (which -- OMG, WANT! Do they make a toy version??) pulling up in front of her house. We just see the team running up her walk with Jack calling her name.

3) Finally, when the Torchwood team are racing to Jasmine's house, the U.S. version cuts a scene of the SUV turning up her street, which in the U.K. version shows us is named "North Forest Road."

It also seems that BBC America has two commerical breaks which are shorter than the others during the run time, which tells me they are doing their best to get all of the episode in despite having to air commericals.

This, I hope, bodes well for the sexyboykissing episode coming at the end of the season.

BBC America hasn't had a problem with airing what some may consider racy or sexually alternative programming. Hell, yesterday I watched a documentary about men and their RealDolls, realistic sex dolls. Go Google that for some eye-opening weirdness. If they show that, I'm sure they'll have no problem showing Captain Jack kissing a man.

Also, in case you missed it, Mr. Barrowman's interview in OUT magazine, to which I am a subscriber, mostly for teh pretteh and because it was cheap.

Oh, did I also mention John Barrowman = GUH? Because, yeah.