RhymePhile's Rat Race

kaynyne wanted a Torchwood/SVU drabble in which "Stabler had seen some weird sex crime scenes, but this is a doozy! Who the hell is this guy trying to take over the crime scene anyway?"



Detective Elliot Stabler stood gazing down at the body, his finger to his pursed lips, when his partner Detective Olivia Benson walked in.

"Is that..."

"It looks like it."

"But how can it..."

"I have no idea."

"It's not..."

"No, I already checked. It's real."

"Elliot, it's a fish."

"It is."

"It's a man with a fish for a head."

"I noticed that."

"And he's wearing leather chaps."

"I noticed that too."

( This came out a bit longer than I thought! )

luvinthe88and20 asked for a Torchwood/Oz crossover drabble in which "Jack meets Keller inside Oz or outside it."

I decided to set this in my Stroking Luck universe, where Keller was a rentboy.



"Nice coat."

Jack turned on his barstool at the compliment that was obviously lobbed his way. The man who had spoken moved from his seat at the end of the bar to the one next to Jack, and motioned for the bartender.

"Lemme get you one."

He raised his glass in acknowledgment. "Appreciate that, thanks, but I'm waiting for someone."

The other man scratched at the stubble on his chin. He had piercing blue eyes, with dark scruffy hair and a barrel frame that suggested a penchant for violence, based on his muscled arms. He wore a ratty T-shirt with a canvas jacket over it, tight jeans, and well-worn work boots.

Jack allowed his eyes to drift, from the dark man's sly smirk to his nicely rounded ass. He was confident, cocky even, but with something menacing brewing just under the surface. It reminded him of the way shapeshifters would attempt to replicate a human form. They never got it quite right, because there was always an otherness to them that was easy to recognize.

This man was no alien, but there was a distinctly seductive quality to the way he presented himself. He exuded sexuality.

Clearly this was also a guy who was rarely told no.

"Seems this 'someone' is late," the man replied.

Jack pulled out his pocket watch and glanced at it. "It was my turn to hold the watch," he said matter-of-factly.

"Then we have plenty of time to get to know each other."

"Hmm. Tempting."

The man leaned down and cocked his head. "Name's Chris. I have somewhere we can go."

Jack ran his eyes over Chris's form one more time. "Yes, definitely tempting. But like I said, I'm waiting for someone."

Chris grinned and whispered into Jack's ear, "I bet he don't fuck as good as me."

"He's a fast learner. And I'm a damn good teacher," Jack whispered back.

The other man shrugged, downed his beer, and returned to his seat at the end of the bar. Jack went back to nursing his drink. Then Chris spoke again.

"Is he dressed like he just walked out of a war movie too?"

Jack smiled from behind his glass. "He prefers suits, actually."

This was originally posted for the Silver Bells and Gold Shields challenge over at tietuckluv where the wisher requested that Elliot meet an interesting stranger -- who may or may not be a Lee Tergesen character from another show -- on a lonely Christmas Eve.

Unfortunately, my muse took me in a direction that prevented me from identifying who the Lee character was in the description of the story, and thus, hardly anyone knew who the hell I was writing about. I wanted it to be a surprise, but in retrospect I suppose the Homicide: Life on the Street recurring character of Chris Thormann that Lee played back in 1993 was a tad too obscure. You can familiarize yourself with the character here if you feel like it.

Well, here's the story anyway. Enjoy.

( A Christmas Vision, rated R for language )

So after all my teasing, here it is, finally finished. foxxcub my dear, you asked for Elliot and Eddie, and I hope I've come through with your birthday wish. All my best to you today. Read it while you eat your birthday cake.

Special thanks goes out to All-Lee-Lovin', All-The-Time fanfromfla, who was kind enough to remind me about Eddie's marital history when I couldn't remember. Thanks, D.

This one is kinda long -- over 8,500 words. I suppose I was inspired. Or something ;-)

( On to Foxxcub's birthday story, Don't Think, Just Feel, rated NC-17 )

mf_luder_xf wanted to see when Alex Krycek from The X-Files meets Dean Winchester from Supernatural. I played with the timeline a bit; set right after Alex (might have, maybe, perhaps) shot Mulder's father.

( If they can get Nicholas Lea to guest star, can they please use this scene? )

viggofest wanted to see (deep breath) Angel's Wesley Wyndham-Pryce and Connor; Lost's Jack Shephard; SVU's Elliot Stabler; Oz's Vern Schillinger; and Prison Break's Michael Scofield stuck on a broken-down subway car with no a/c and intermittent lighting when the subject of fathers comes up...

( Oh wow, you're going to have to pay attention to who's talking in this one... )

Wow, guys, I had no idea this would become so...popular. Heh. Now you realize that I don't think I'll be doing any work at all today. Some of these prompts are too damn good. I'm going to try to get to at least one suggestion from everyone. Feel free to make requests.

viggofest wanted to see Wanted's Eddie Drake, Firefly's Jayne Cobb, and Nip/Tuck's Dr. Christian Troy walk into a bar...

( I don't even know how to explain this one... )

viggofest wanted to see an Oz/Lost crossover in which Sister Pete and Mr. Eko discuss whether we pick God or God picks us. Dark humor ahead!

***

They sat there in silence for a few moments, awkwardly staring at each other.

"I like your stick," she said, pointing to the piece of wood leaned up against his chair.

"It's where I kept track of our Lord's holy scriptures while on the island."

"The island you crashed on, right?"

"Yes."

"The island you said you didn't want to leave at first, correct?" she asked, straightening her glasses and glancing down at his file.

"Yes."

"This...island. Didn't you say all sorts of odd things occurred there? Mysterious hatches? Strange electromagnetic pulses? Supernatural powers?"

"Correct."

"And you believe that all these things happened to you, Eko?"

( The real reason Mr. Eko carried that Jesus stick around )

siberian_skys asked for an Oz/X-Files crossover in which Krycek and Toby spoke about their dead/missing lovers.

***

His leather jacket moaned as he reached for the beer the bartender set in front of him. He waved the man away. "I want to open the bottle myself," he mumbled, tossing a five onto the bar.

Reaching into his pocket, he found the metal opener attached to his keys. The bottle cap popped off with a satisfying hiss.

"Paranoid?"

Krycek turned to the man across from him who asked the question. He was well-dressed, with blonde hair that touched the nape of his neck. Blue eyes connected with his green, and Krycek squinted back in annoyance.

"Just careful," Krycek responded, sipping at his beer.

"I knew a guy who used to get pissed off if he couldn't wear his boots into the shower."

"Makes washing your feet a bitch, no doubt," he replied.

The blonde man chuckled and sidled over to where Krycek was perched on his stool. "Nah, he was always worried about getting Athlete's foot. He worried more about that than getting shanked."

Krycek's eyebrow rose at the turn in the conversation. "Shanked?"

The blonde man nodded and took a gulp of his martini. "Oz," he said, licking at his bottom lip. "Y'know, the prison."

"Yeah, I've heard about it."

"He used to wear his socks until his toes came through, too," the man said, smiling to himself. "Crazy fuck."

"I knew a guy who used to wear this ratty, torn Knicks jersey when we watched the games on TV. I never could get him to replace it."

"It had sentimental value?"

"He was a crazy fuck, too," Krycek smiled back.

The blonde man sipped at his drink, and the two men were quiet for a few moments.

"You miss him?" Krycek asked quietly, guessing at the man's usage of the past tense.

"Every day," the other man admitted. "You?"

"Every moment," Krycek answered, returning to his beer.

Well, here you have it: the concluding chapter to the Party Favors series, which was never even intended as a series, but because of all the great feedback I received I rolled with it.

Thanks to everyone who has responded, both here and over at Twisted Sisterhood, and thanks especially to colleendetroit for giving birth to this plot bunny in the first place.

( Party Favors V, the conclusion )

Since feedback has been really nice and supportive, I figured I had better write another installment to the Party Favors series to placate you people, LOL. Thanks to those who have been reading and sharing their thoughts.

( Party Favors IV, rated R )

Thanks to the continued prodding and sharpened stick-poking of colleendetroit and tesan, as well as the lovely feedback from so many of you on my Flist, I decided to keep going with the "Party Favors" story. It's not an official series -- yet -- but we'll see where the mood takes me.

And as a slight aside, I'll have you all know that "Party Favors II" was the first time I ever published an NC-17 piece of work publicly. Now that I'm traveling down the path of ill-repute, I'm finding these scenes considerably easier to write. You may all blame yourselves for sending me to hell, 'kay?

It's a good thing I have a fan on my desk, people. This is even less work safe than the other one.

( Party Favors III, NC-17 )

Oh man, see what you guys made me do??? Never say I don't cater to the desires of my Flist. Yeah, this one isn't work safe. At all. And I wrote it in work! Lord, I'm going to hell.

By the way, colleendetroit, I think this plot bunny has now been roasted and served up with some nice spring potatoes and a fine white wine. You can make me a new icon at your leisure, heh. Hmm, something dark and Kelleresque, because I'm in an evil Keller mood. I can hear him in my head, which is kinda scary, actually.

Frankly, I could have spent a little more time perfecting things in this drabble, but I figured it would be better to just wing this mutha.

( Party Favors II, rated NC-17, just like you dirty birds wanted! )

Because colleendetroit asked for it, and because I have nothing better to do as I wait for the workday to end, here's a Peter McMillan/Chris Keller drabble, "Party Favors," I hope you all enjoy. You don't even have to know that Peter McMillan is a character Lee Tergesen played on his short, disappointing stint on Desperate Housewives recently. You should, however, picture his pretty, pretty hair. Siiiiigh.

Here's what Colleen wanted: Peter is a sex addict...a certain blue eyed-hunky dude we all know and love from OZ is sex personified...pair them up and watch the hot monkey love ensue.

Colleen, what do I get in return for slaughtering this plot bunny of yours? ;-)

Um, rated R for sexual situations and language, baby!

( Party Favors behind the cut )

The lovely colleendetroit made me my default icon above, and in return I paid her back with this little, ahem, heated Beecher/Stabler snippet. They kiss in this one...am I totally going to hell?

***

Stabler walked into the interrogation room, sizing up the blonde man who sat before him.

"I didn't do anything wrong, detective," Beecher stated.

Elliot rolled up his sleeves and unbuttoned one of the center buttons of his shirt, tucking his striped tie neatly inside. It was one of his silk ones, and he didn't want this perp getting a hold of it.

"That's what all murderers say," Stabler snapped back, circling like a shark would his prey.

"You c-can check my alibi," Beecher stuttered, swallowing uneasily. "I was working the night they found that girl."

Stabler took a moment to glance into the reflective glass behind him, and then slid the second chair to the other side of the room. He began slowly tapping his fist on the table as he walked behind Beecher. Leaning down, he whispered into the suspect's ear, close enough to flick the hairs at the side of Beecher's neck.

"You raped her, then strangled her, and left her there like a piece of trash!" Now he moved to the Beecher's other ear, his breath heating Beecher's cheek. "And you're going to confess."

Beecher nodded, and Stabler got into his face. "I...I..."

"Spill it."

"You smell nice, detective."

Stabler blinked, furrowing his brow, and took a good look at his suspect.

"I'm innocent," Beecher said, "and I'm a good kisser."

Stabler pushed Beecher backwards, and the chair tilted, upending Beecher onto the floor. He slid and came to a stop half-sitting against the wall.

"I'd like to test that theory," Elliot growled, lacing his fingers into Beecher's long hair and pulling him close for an open-mouthed kiss. He slid his tongue into Beecher's mouth and Beecher's collided with his. The man under him began to moan, and Elliot released him.

"I think I need to investigate your innocence further."

"Yesss....." Beecher breathed, and Stabler lowered him onto the floor.