RhymePhile's Rat Race

My mom dropped by today, and when she noticed the empty box from war-toys.com she asked what had come in it. That led me to telling her about all the cool shit I ordered for my action figures, which in turn led me to hauling out Mulder and Krycek for her to look at. What follows is more of my mother's wisdom, captured verbatim.

Mom: Wow, those motorcycles are so cool!

Me: I know! And they were only $20 each!

Mom [looking more closely at Krycek]: Why does he look so gay?

Me: [shrugging innocently]


Then Mom noticed the box that still had my Tom of Finland comic collection in it. I really need to put these things away before she comes to visit, but she kinda surprised me. I've tried to explain to my mother in the past what slash is all about, and the phenomenon of it, but she just doesn't get it. Mom is old-school.

Mom: What's "Tom of Finland"?

Me: Oh, man, you probably don't want to look at that.

Mom: Why?

Me: [laughing] Ma, it'll blow your mind.

Mom [disbelieving look]

Me: All right, go ahead, look.

Mom: [flipping pages] UGH!!!!

Me: [laughing] You crack me up.

Alex Krycek
350 5th Ave.
New York, NY 10118

July 2, 2006

Christopher Keller
Inmate number 98K514
Oswald State Correctional Facility
Cell Block 5


Dear Chris,

Thanks for the green sweater you sent me in June. It fit me perfectly, but I can't really model it for you. It's too fuckin' hot. You step outside and melt, so Mulder and I have just stayed in bed under the covers with the air conditioning on high. Is the heat as bad inside Oz as it is outside? Those bastards better let you have fans in your pod. How's Toby? Give him a slap on the ass from me.

I thought I'd send you some photos of my new motorcycle. I hope the hacks don't confiscate them, the fuckers.

Write back when you have a chance.

Keep your chin up,
Alex

P.S. Mulder and I put those handcuffs you sent to good use.





( More images behind the cut )

Okay, I broke down and released him from his plastic prison. Behold, Alex Krycek from The X-Files, the leather-clad one-armed double-crosser, modeling his modified M-16 in a Russian military officer's black leather trenchcoat.

"Welcome to my world, bitches!"


( Four more photos behind the cut )